School in Your Pants

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I initially had no recollection of what happened in this seemingly insignificant day.  So I looked into my planner and tried to remember.

Well, it seems like I worked on an application that was due December 1.  English homework.  Um, there was a Senior class meeting.

Oh, wait.  Just found the most important thing I wrote in my planner. So important I didn’t even do it.

Consider going to dance workshop for Fame 6:00 pm

It’s theater season!  The musical’s here!  We’re doing “Fame”! Auditions tomorrow!  So happy!

</sarcasm>

I’ve been doing the play for three years now, beginning my freshman year.  When I got small roles, I’ve always dreamed about getting one of the lead roles my senior year.  I used to say to myself, “I’d get so much better by the time I’m a senior.  I’d have to be ready to take on that lead role!  I’ll be such a good singer and be a good actor and a good dancer!”

Well, that’s not how it seems right now.  I’m so unenthusiastic about it.   It feels like it’s just one big hassle.  (I’ve been using that word a lot lately.  “Hassle.”)  Being a part of the ensemble, I had had to give so much effort for having a small role.  The ensemble is practically in every scene, meaning we’re required to attend 90% of the rehearsals, which can extend up to late evenings.  Very, very time-consuming.

This actually created a problem last year when the tennis season started.  Since both seasons overlapped for a month, I faced a huge dilemma.   The beginning of tennis and the end of theater just happened to be the most important part for each season.  For tennis, there were ladder matches, a series of matches one had to play against people from the team to determine who would be playing in the varsity team.  For theater, it’s near the date of the show, so it’s crunch time.  When it came to make my decision about what to do, my director forced me to stay during rehearsals and miss not only the ladder matches but also the practices themselves.  Missing the practices led to a sucky start and entirely sucky ladder matches.  Needless to say, I was helpless.

And right now, if I had to choose, I’d pick tennis. I’d have a better chance of doing well (people who are going to audition for the play are talented!), and it’ll be more useful in the long run.  I can play tennis to exercise, but I can’t just burst into song and dance while walking on the street.  You know what I mean?

So, with this in mind, I didn’t go to the dance workshop for the musical that was scheduled for tonight.  I was so unmotivated, not caring about whether I’ll do well in the auditions or not. Because if I really wanted to do tennis over theater, why does it matter if I do well? If anything, I’d want to be rejected a role.

Still, there was that other half that kept saying, “You’ve been doing this for three years. You can’t quit now…”  And there were friends who kept telling me to audition…

We’ll see what happens.

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